I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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