The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
