to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
