Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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