I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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