this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
