Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
