Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize