I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
