bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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