It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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