I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
