Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
