Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
