Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
