tell your sister to shave her snatch
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
