And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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