He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
