I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
