I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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