Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have aggressive nipples.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
