we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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