Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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