Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
