Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
