Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
