I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I cut my penus on the lid.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
