careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
