all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
