I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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