but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
