i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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