I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
