I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
