so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
