Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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