Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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