You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
