There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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