I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
