i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
