Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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