the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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