:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
