Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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