So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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