for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I stole a fireplace last night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
