the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
