well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
