who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize