I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
