she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
