I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
