I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
