They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
