we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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