Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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