capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
