Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Too much gin, very little bucket
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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