I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
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