Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
