he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
