I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
