Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
