YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
