sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
