I think I won the penis lottery.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
