dude i'm inner monologue high
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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