my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
