Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
dude. I can hear the air.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
