I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
