Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
