Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
