What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
