I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
