I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
