Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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