everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
