They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
