Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
