Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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