roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
