Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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