I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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