So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize