My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize