He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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