Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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