i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize