it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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