just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
