I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
