but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize